She'd say,
But, that never stopped me from trying anyway
Life is weird. I had a dream last night where I was shot through the heart. I kept dreaming long enough to feel the sensation of the air being expelled from my body, the dull pain, my body going backwards and then suddenly...I was awake.
Awake in my soft bed, my dog's back pressed up against my side uncomfortably.
I recently watched a Nova documentary on dreams which stated that our dreams help us to understand the world around us. I'm not sure what that dream was supposed to help me understand.
I feel stuck. I fear that I'm wasting time. I'm often good at that.
I don't want to work just to live. I want to do something I have passion for, something that I want to live for, not something that drains the passion and life from me. I'm doing a watered-down version of what I want and maybe, that's what makes it even worse.
I fear many things. I fear failure, I fear death but, maybe as Jim Harrison has once said, this is a world where 'falling is best'.
New World
Jim Harrison
This moment says no to the next.
Now is quite enough for the gathering birds
in the tall willows above the irrigation ditch.
It's autumn and their intentions are in their blood.
Looking up at those chattering birds I become dizzy,
but statistics say old men fall down a lot.
The earth is fairly soft here, so far from the world
of cement where people must live to make a living.
Despite the New Covenant you can't eat the field's lilies.
Today I think I see a new cold wind rushing through the air.
Of course I stare up too long because I love cedar waxwings,
their nasalate click and hiss, their cantankerous joy.
I fall and the dogs come running. Mary licks my face.
I tell them that this is a world where falling is best.
